I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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