I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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