so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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