I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
