My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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