Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
