Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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