I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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