just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
