I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
MIDGETS
????
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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