Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
