after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
