Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
