Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
