My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
