Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
