im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
