I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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