beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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