oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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