I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
