Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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