well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
