A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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