There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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