Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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