I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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