I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
