The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
