NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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