Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
