dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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