mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
