You were right. It hurts to walk today.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
