Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drunk is not a location!
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