4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
