Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
