How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
