bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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