sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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