do herpes really smell.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
