So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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