It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I forget how to act sober
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
