You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
