I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
