plz talk dirty to me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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