you guys were way drunker than both of me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
