12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
