cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
