i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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