I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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