shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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