How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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