Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize