I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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