It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
