You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
