Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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