Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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